It’s virtually impossible for anyone to change unless he thoroughly accepts who he is. http://amzn.to/2hHeNww
Book: Eleven Rings
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Change begins with acceptance of the self
Phil Jackson writes in Eleven Rings that it’s virtually impossible for anyone to change unless he thoroughly accepts who he is. The statement sounds paradoxical. Many people believe that self-criticism drives improvement. Jackson suggests the opposite. Real change starts from honest acceptance, not from rejection.
Psychologist Carl Rogers expressed a similar idea. He wrote that the curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. Acceptance reduces defensiveness. When we stop fighting our flaws, we can look at them clearly and decide what to do.
Practising acceptance of the self
Acceptance is not resignation. It does not mean approving every behaviour or giving up on goals. Instead, it means acknowledging reality without harsh judgement. I am impatient, for example, is a starting point for growth, while I am a terrible person blocks it.
Research on self-compassion by Kristin Neff supports this approach. People who treat themselves kindly after failure tend to take more responsibility and try again. On the other hand, those who criticise themselves harshly often avoid challenges to protect their self-image.
Practical steps help. Notice your inner voice and soften it. Write about a weakness as if describing a friend. For example, instead of calling yourself lazy, describe the situations where motivation drops and what might help.
Leaders benefit greatly from this mindset. Jackson accepted players’ quirks while guiding them toward team goals. Moreover, accepted people often grow faster because they feel safe to experiment.
Acceptance also improves relationships. When we accept ourselves, we become less critical of others and more patient with their flaws.
In the end, Jackson’s insight invites a gentler path to growth. Start where you are, with honesty and kindness, and change becomes far more possible.
